Your topic is really strong and I feel you are going somewhere with your topic. The topic is different and really cool to read about. You definitely hooked the reader and dragged them into this piece. There are a couple of grammar and sentences that can be fixed. But you’re off to a great start. I feel you have really nice connections and references from the other resources you found and the way you connected them were really strong. I liked how you went off and added quotes and they flowed really good for the points you were stating. Adding some of the Yo-Yo Ma and Lehrer references and quotes I feel will tie it all together and will have a nice flow. Keep up the good work. -Hannah
